Tag: Anxiety

a blog by bj draKe

Bible

Motivation Motivates

When I was depressed and isolated, I began writing a list of everything that I’d accomplished during the day, no matter how insignificant I considered it to be it. I soon realized that we don’t give ourselves enough credit for everything we do, even on the days we do little. On an uneventful day, my…
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Burning Books

The Purge

Writing has always been a way for me to transcend through difficult times and sort out the confusion of my moods and thoughts before they swallow me. It’s become a way to creatively disable the suicidal urges, self-destructive tendencies and throw a soggy band-aid on my diseased mind, so I can continue to drag my…
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Prescription Pills

Happy Pills

Before I was ever offered happy pills, I was adamantly against the idea of medication. The propaganda against psychology – paid for by the Church of Scientology, amongst others – convinced me that psychiatric drugs were a ploy by the shadow government of the world to numb/dumb us all down and lock us into a…
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gray

New Beginnings

After my head injury, as cliched as it sounds, the world turned grey The color and vibrancy was slowly sucked out of my life. I was juggling too many cognitive obstacles and impairments at the same time. I didn’t realize how far down the spiral of depression I was slipping. Until I hit rock bottom…
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Narcissist, Much?

Narcissist, much?

We live in a social society that filters out the ugly.   When you don’t, it scares people. Love Life or Die Trying IS NOT a cry for help, sympathy or attention. The mind amazes me and my mind has unique quirks that I want to understand. One thing about my quirks that I’ve come…
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Hanging from a tree

Weeding the Garden

I was weeding my garden. It was overdue. Weeds were suffocating the nutritious vegetation.  The life. Late into the evening I tugged on the root of a weed that wouldn’t budge. I yanked at it until the flesh of my palms rolled back and bled. I got a heart-shaped shovel and stomped on it, but…
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Crashed Plane

I Died In My Dream

I have been on a quest to dissolve my ego and last night I had a dream that I died, my first one. I was one of many passengers crammed into an airplane.  We hit turbulence, hard like the belly of the plane scraped across a mountain top.  We began descending in a spiral.  Over…
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haunted church

Devotion

I was forced to attend Sunday School at the only Lutheran Church in our town as a remedy from my sprouting pre-teen aggression and rebellion.  It was awful and I devoted myself to being a pain in the ass to the teachers and the congregation.  I would show up wearing my skull jacket every Sunday,…
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thawing

Thawing

A good friend of mine sent me a friendly wave on Facebook Messenger late last night after he read “I’m Sorry.” “I’m sorry we weren’t here for you, bro.” The truth is that he was, as were many others. Everyone – at some point – shook my shoulders to shake some sense into my soggy…
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starry night

I’m Sorry

I am bipolar and suffer from social anxiety. Phewf. That is “my truth” and it is something I’ve rarely even admitted to myself, let alone anyone I know. Until recently. What’s changed? Well, I had a nervous breakdown; the last of a string of many since a Traumatic Brain Injury that debilitated me for a…
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brain worms

brain worms

There is an infestation of worms that have burrowed deep in my brain. A mushy ball of slimy, dormant belly crawlers who are blind and unable to find food. Until it rains. Then they follow the pattering vibrations of the raindrops. They wriggle and squirm to the surface  of my brain and drink the waters…
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Kurt Cobain - Nirvana

My Curse of 27

When I was eight, my mom dropped my brother and I off at school. As we pulled into the parking lot the Canadian flag was flying at half-mast. “Why is the flag like that?” I asked my mom. She was slow and hesitant in her response. “A boy in grade five,” she swallowed heavy, “hung…
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